IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the bar graph below shows basic information about usses of leisure time among different age groups.

the bar graph below shows basic information about usses of leisure time among different age groups.
#bar #information #usses #leisure #time #age #groups
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the
Capitalize word
The
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 bar chart presents basic data about uses of free
time
Use synonyms
 in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of three different categories including reading, computing (
leisure
Use synonyms
 use), and sport and exercise among three groups of
age
Use synonyms
, namely 13-19
years
Use synonyms
 old, 20-65
years
Use synonyms
 old, and over 66
years
Use synonyms
 old.
Overal
Correct your spelling
Overall
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who are
in
Change preposition
between
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 the
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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from
Change preposition
of
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 20 to 65 have the most
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 at
weekend
Correct article usage
the weekend
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. Over 66
years
Use synonyms
 old
people
Use synonyms
 have the least
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
.
there
Capitalize word
There
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 is a difference in
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 uses among the three groups of
age
Use synonyms
. 13-
19
Correct your spelling
19-year-old
years
Use synonyms
 old
people
Use synonyms
 use their weekend free
time
Use synonyms
 to use
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
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as well as
Linking Words
 play sports and exercise at about 60 minutes per day for each
activities
Change to a singular noun
activity
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.
People
Use synonyms
 who are
in
Change preposition
between
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 the
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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from
Change preposition
of
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 20 to 65 mostly spend nearly 120 minutes in their
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 playing sports and
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 exercise. Those over 66
years
Use synonyms
 old tend to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 reading with 60 minutes per weekend day.
Submitted by viethoangnguyen0611 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, leisure, age, years, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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