The personal information of many individuals is held by large companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #individuals #companies #organisations #outweigh

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Institutions have

information

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

individual applicants in their storage system.

This

Linking Words

obviously has some benefits and

downside

Fix the agreement mistake

downsides

show examples

to it. In my opinion, I'd say the advantages supersedes the disadvantages. On the one hand, we all have the right to privacy.

Therefore

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, when a company receives an applicant's

information

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, there should be an agreement to dispose of any personal

information

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once the person no longer has anything to do with the facility.

This

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is necessary to make people feel

secured

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secure

show examples

. To illustrate

this

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, a celebrity songtress Benedicta Afram lost her life tragically

as a result

Linking Words

of her previous production company releasing some personal

information

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about her to a stranger which paved

way

Correct article usage

the way

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for

this

Linking Words

stranger to locate her house and

shot

Wrong verb form

shoot

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her several times after she refused his proposal.

This

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example highlights the consequences that can arise from companies keeping

personal

Correct article usage

the personal

show examples

details of others.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, some people do not have storage means or may accidentally lose very vital

information

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. When

this

Linking Words

happens they fall on companies that have their details to retrieve needed

information

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about them. I remember my sister lost all her documents

due to

Linking Words

flooding that

occured

Correct your spelling

occurred

in her vicinity. She eventually had to see the manager of her company to enable her

obtain

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to obtain

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all the

information

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she submitted to them about her.

This

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shows some positivity

with

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the argument at hand.

To sum up

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, it may be generally safe for workplaces to keep personal

information

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about their employees and

this

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has many benefits than drawbacks.

Submitted by nmaureen03 on Wed Sep 13 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

250 words

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The personal information of many individuals is held by large companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

Human activities over the period of time have increased global warming. What are the primary causes? What solutions can you suggest?

Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal. Some think that the other type of progress is equally important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think the manufacturers and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging.