IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some feel that governments should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#feel #governments #prioritize #healthcare #areas
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Many people are inclined to believe that the government ought to place healthcare above other crucial sectors. I partially agree with
this
 viewpoint inasmuch as prioritizing the healthcare industry can not only increase life expectancy and reduce its costs
,
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 but simultaneously cause underdevelopment in other areas.
To begin
 with, there are many obvious advantages. The first benefit is connected with reducing mortality. If
health
 protection is given more attention as opposed to other spheres, it can improve quality of life and
health
 outcomes,
such
 as in many dangerous surgeries,
thus
 increasing the life expectancy of the population. Another major positive side is that costs for many medical procedures and doctor’s examinations will be reduced. To be more specific, it will be really advantageous for poor families as they will be able to afford them and, correspondingly, their well-being will be improved. Despite these advantages, there are
also
 a variety of distinct drawbacks, and a major one is that it can lead to many adverse effects in other spheres, especially the education system and technology
,
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 because the government will not allocate funds equally for each sector and will place
health
 maintenance above others.
As a result
, it may
also
 lead to a decline in the quality of services in these sectors. In conclusion, from my perspective,
although
 prioritizing
health
 protection over other areas can reduce mortality and the costs of pills and surgeons, it can
also
 cause some problems in other spheres.
Therefore
, I partially agree with
this
 statement.
Submitted by filwayy on

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task response
Ensure that the essay directly responds to the question by clearly stating your stance and developing it throughout the essay. Provide clear and well-structured arguments to support your position.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but there are instances of unclear transitions between ideas. Consider using clear linking words to connect your ideas and improve overall coherence.
lexical resource
You have utilized a varied range of vocabulary, but ensure that the words are used accurately. Attempt to use more precise and academic language where appropriate to ensure a strong lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar with a varied range of structures, but there are still instances of errors such as subject-verb agreement and articles. Consider proofreading the essay to eliminate these errors and improve grammatical accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal healthcare
  • preventive medicine
  • public health infrastructure
  • social determinants of health
  • fiscal allocation
  • government expenditure
  • gross domestic product (GDP)
  • life expectancy
  • pandemic preparedness
  • health equity
  • social safety net
  • holistic approach
  • non-communicable diseases
  • cross-sector collaboration
  • socioeconomic status
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