IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some part of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a negative or positive development?

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In
this
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 day and age, more and more contemporary attention has been placed on the fact that investigating one’s family heritage is increasing significantly.
This
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 essay will examine the main answers to
this
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 phenomenon, and I firmly believe that it is a beneficial tendency. There are various reasons why
individuals
Use synonyms
 are drawn to familial lineage.
Firstly
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, discovering family dynamics is an extremely important connection to our ancestors. In fact, knowing about our ancestral roots provides a strong sense of connection to the past, helping
individuals
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 understand where they come from and how their family history has shaped their identity.
For example
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,
this
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 knowledge can prove beneficial in various aspects,
such
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 as seeking appropriate employment or mastering traditional culinary skills like making Chung cake or Tet cake. Another reason is medical purposes as there are some related health issues. In simpler terms,
individuals
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 can gain awareness of hereditary diseases within their family, enabling them to take early preventive measures and ultimately increase their chances of living longer. Based on
reasonable
Correct article usage
the reasonable
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 explanations above, I side with those who support
this
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 trend as
positive
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a positive
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 development.
First,
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through researching their origins,
individuals
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 can adopt valuable techniques and avoid repetitive mistakes that were common during their ancestors' time.
Second,
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this
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 practice aids in the preservation of cultural and familial career traditions, which can be enriching and educational for future generations. In fact, history is the route Humans are on today, so the curiosity of the Predecessor is a strong motivation for the next generation in terms of citizens’ attitude in life
as well as
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 their talented skills for careers. The children in
this
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 family,
for instance
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, have been raised hearing stories about generations of doctors and nurses in their family, and they have been exposed to medical environments from an early age, whether through family discussions or hospital visits. In conclusion, there are different explanations
why
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for why
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 people are keen on the interest of descendants, and I totally agree
this
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 is a strong advantage for learning one’s family stories.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure introduction and conclusion are clearly distinct and fulfill their specific roles within the essay. It's crucial to set the context and thesis statement early on, and to summarize and restate this thesis in the conclusion along with a concise wrap-up of the main points.
Logical Structure
Your essay should have a clear and logical structure. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and ensure that each subsequent sentence connects to that central idea. Your paragraphs are generally structured, but at times the connections between ideas can be enhanced.
Cohesive Devices
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to show the relationship between ideas. You incorporated some linking words, but a greater variety could improve the overall flow and clarity of your argument.
Supported Main Points
Each paragraph should develop one main idea with relevant support. Some paragraphs in your essay have ideas that could be further elaborated with more specific examples and analysis to deeply support your points.
Complete Response & Idea Development
The response addresses the task, but the development of ideas would benefit from a deeper exploration of the topic. Ensure that your essay fully covers all parts of the prompt, both 'why' individuals engage in this practice and its positive or negative development.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas & Relevant Examples
Make sure that the ideas and examples provided are clear, relevant, and fully developed. The essay shows potential, but it lacks specific and convincingly elaborated examples that address the prompt comprehensively.
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