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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph above depicts how varied some new technologies, namely, 4, had become over the years in terms of the number uses.

The graph above depicts how varied some new technologies, namely, 4, had become over the years in terms of the number uses.
The graph above depicts how varied some new technologies, namely, 4, had become over the years in terms of the number
uses
Change preposition
of uses
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.
While
Linking Words
 most of them indicate a general rise in trend, how they reached that point differs drastically.
For instance
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 CD players experienced a steady ascend, reaching their highest point, mobile phones
plumetted
Correct your spelling
plummeted
plummetted
 wildly over the course of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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6 years. Internet access emerged at a slightly later time,
also
Linking Words
 showing a slow increase.
Likewise
Linking Words
, home computers,
although
Linking Words
 not having risen nearly as
signifcantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 as
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 counterparts, never really went down either. The device, reaching the highest
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 CD players, the one reaching the lowest
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
, being internet access. Having the greatest positive change,
however
Linking Words
, mobile phones have substantially increased from just 20% to 70%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, home computers had the lowest change of all of them, having a mere 20% increase. The graph effectively represents just how major mobile phones and internet access
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 become in day-to-day lives.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "depicts" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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