some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit

We all know how important it is to retire after working hard for many years.

While

Remove the comma

apply

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many people are calling for a fixed

age

to do it, I would argue that a more flexible retirement system should be adopted that takes into consideration what type

job

Change preposition

of job

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the retiree had.

Firstly

, some occupations can lead to higher strain on the body.

For instance

, truckers and builders suffer from more

job

injuries than others.

this

is because of the tasks nature they carry out day by day. To illustrate, trackers have to drive fifty hours a week, during which they are continuously

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

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exposed to vibration

form

Correct your spelling

from

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the truck which leads to chronic pain in the back.

In contrast

, having a desk

job

would not lead to

such

effect

Correct article usage

an effect

show examples

on the body.

Therefore

, it is important to consider the work field to set an

age

to retire.

Secondly

, people should be able to retire earlier if their

job

can pose a threat to them or to the society around them. As we advance in

age

, our immune system gets weaker.

For example

, doctors and nurses, who are senior

citizen

Fix the agreement mistake

citizens

show examples

, would have a tougher time fighting an infection than a younger doctor. For that reason, it is of utmost importance to address

this

issue when deciding

retirement

Change preposition

on retirement

show examples

age

, where some

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

could lead to very serious health problems for the elderly.

To sum up

, some jobs could be more stressful and more dangerous to be carried out after a certain.

that is

the reason I disagree with setting a fixed

age

for retirement.

Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on Thu Sep 14 2023

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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