IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single Some believe that this information may be relevant and useful. while others disagree. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests #believe
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Nowadays some company owners ask about personal
information
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as leisure activities, marital status and interests from people who are applying
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 jobs. Someone
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
details
Use synonyms
 are useful for their job role
however
Linking Words
 someone despite those
details
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides and
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs will illustrate it. Sometimes employers interview their clients including not only
Correct pronoun usage
their educational
show examples
educational
Correct pronoun usage
their educational
show examples
 status and experiences but
also
Linking Words
 their personal
information
Use synonyms
. They ask about their marital status, hometown, leisure activities and personal
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 things. I believe it might be a useful thing for future activities.
As a result
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
employer
Correct article usage
the employer
show examples
 know about
client's
Correct article usage
the client's
show examples
details
Use synonyms
 well. So they can manage all situations from well-known clients.
However
Linking Words
, some employers never do
those kind
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds
show examples
 of interviews. Because they believe they must know only
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 educational level and experiences. They can manage
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 gap between
job
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
 and personal life
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if they work in their team or group, they can
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
thoughout
Correct your spelling
through
 personal bonds and they never build interpersonal
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 among their staff members.
As a result
Linking Words
 of that, they can earn good
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
 from working staff.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 essay gave
information
Use synonyms
 about both sides of personal
details
Use synonyms
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
show examples
 be useful or not for the company and I strongly believe we can our staff well if we
knew
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 their personal
information
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 educational
details
Use synonyms
. So I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Submitted by savithra on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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