Some people think it is important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more importany to spend time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #career #importany #friends

People

have different views about how one should spend their

time

While

some

people

think spending

time

in attaining a successful career should be paramount others disagree. Rather, they suggest it is more essential to spend

time

with family and allies. I will look at both views in

this

essay.

To begin

with, a successful job comes from rising along the professional ladder.

This

matters because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

working hard to attain a higher rank comes with boosting a person's confidence and salary increment. Research has shown that most employees define

successful

Correct article usage

a successful

show examples

work-life as one that gives them higher

earning

Fix the agreement mistake

earnings

show examples

. Obviously, money is key to living a comfortable life.

Therefore

, it is understandable why

people

will advise

pursuit

Correct article usage

the pursuit

show examples

of success at work.

On the other hand

, I can understand the argument for making friends and family a priority than

career

Add an article

a career

show examples

. It is a well-known fact that wealth does not guarantee happiness. We all need

people

to share in our joy when we are happy and to comfort us when we are sad. It is easier for

people

to reciprocate

love

Add an article

the love

show examples

shown

them

Change preposition

to them

show examples

and as we know, only human beings can offer

such

emotions.

This

highlights the need for individuals to make

time

for others in their lives.

To sum up

, there are good reasons why one should spend equal

time

in progressing through their occupation and

also

make

time

for their loved ones. In my opinion, both of these matter to living a fulfilled life.

Submitted by nmaureen03 on Thu Sep 14 2023

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

243 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

prioritize
strike a balance
ambitious
dedicated
work-life balance
career-oriented
professional success
financial stability
personal fulfillment
contribute
supportive
cherish
bond
memorable
experience
social connections
commitment
advocate
sacrifice
juggle

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Some people think it is important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more importany to spend time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

It is better to save money than to spend it. How far do you agree with this statement? Is saving more important than spending in today’s world.

You were absent from an important event held by the company you work for. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: Apologize for your absence and explain the reasoning. Explain why you had to be at the other event. Explain what you will do to catch up.

In many places, people's lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

Childhood obesity is becoming a severe issue in many nations. This essay will look at some primary causes of this and offer some possible solutions to the problem.