IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Missions to explore space are hugely expensive, and there are problems on Earth which demand attention. The number of these missions needs to be reduced. Do you agree or disagree?

#missions #space #earth #demand #attention
It is thought that
space
 exploration is a waste of money,
while
 there are a lot of urgent needs to be addressed on
Earth
,
such
 as poverty and environmental problems. So, they argue that
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of these missions should be cut.
However
, I do not agree with
this
 statement because we can not know that our
planet
 will be available in the future as a place to live and develop.
Firstly
, many current breakthrough
techologies
Correct your spelling
technologies
 are
otiginated
Correct your spelling
originated
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space
 exploration.
For example
,
preople
Correct your spelling
people
 now have all access to follow weather patterns
througout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the world. Information about
weather
Correct article usage
the weather
show examples
 comes directly from the satellite. Without satellites, humans would not be able to know any potential storms, heavy rains and natural
Fix the agreement mistake
disasters
show examples
disaster
Fix the agreement mistake
disasters
show examples
, and in turn, it can
result
Add the preposition
result in
result from
show examples
 death of many species
as well as
 humans.
Secondly
,
Earth
 supplies nowadays
such
 as food, energy, and water are rapidly running out day by day, and most people are not aware of what they are doing. In
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 conditions, the
Earth
 is the only
planet
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
 we live,
bit
Correct your spelling
but
show examples
 it does not mean that we can rely on our current
planet
. Humans should get involved
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
space
 research in order to find another
planet
 to continue existing.
On the other hand
, many say that it is not necessary to allocate
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 amount of money to the field of
space
, as there
a
Add a missing verb
are a
show examples
lot of worrying issues to be solved, namely natural pollution and poverty. I believe that to figure out
such
 problems, both citizens and government should cooperate with each other. In conclusion, I tend to think that technologies utilized
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
space
 exploration are
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to other fields. The
Earth
's position can not
be foresee
Change the verb form
be foreseen
show examples
 in the future,
wheter
Correct your spelling
whether
 it is suitable to live or not.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar and Spelling
Try to improve grammatical accuracy and clarity by proofreading your work. Some sentences have minor errors that can affect readability, such as 'bit' instead of 'but' and 'otiginated' instead of 'originated.'
Evidence and Examples
Develop your main points with more specific examples and details to strengthen your argument. For example, when discussing current space technologies, you could elaborate on how they are applied in real-world situations.
Cohesive Devices
Work on transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay. You could use connecting phrases or sentences to make the essay more cohesive.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well and provides a clear stance on the issue.
Structure
You have structured the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easier to follow your argument.
Relevance
The main points are relevant and generally well-explained, particularly the link between space exploration and technological advancements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: