IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others however believe that school is the best place to learn this.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
It has been observed that few people think that
kids
 should be taught to become
well mannered
Add a hyphen
well-mannered
show examples
 in society.
While
 rest says school could teach them.
This
 is a partially agrees with the espoused notion. The ensuing pieces of writing intense to delve into
first
Add an article
the first
a first
show examples
 part which is
parents
 should teach children followed by
schools
 might be the better area for
this
 learning. To commence with
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
 point the foremost, when is
parents
 are the role models of every
kids
Change to a singular noun
kid
show examples
 before adulting age. To elucidate, children imitate
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 try to develop behaviour
according to
 what they see so
parents
 must be there about
this
 and teeth, their
kids
, the
etiquettes
Fix the agreement mistake
etiquette
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and manners
show examples
manners
Correct word choice
and manners
show examples
also
 correct them whenever
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
misunderstood
Wrong verb form
misunderstand
show examples
. To exemplify, a boy
name
Replace the word
named
show examples
 Rahul lives beside my house. He’s 8 years old but along his age, his decent behaviour outshines among other
kids
 in my area and showcases how
will
Correct your spelling
well
show examples
 teaching has been given by his
parents
.
On the contrary
,
schools
 are the places where
kids
 spend most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time. In layman’s language,
schools
 consist of 6 to 8 hours please with money curriculum activities apart from studies. So teachers should introduce personality development sessions in fun Maina every week including video lessons games,
skits
Correct word choice
and skits
show examples
. To cite an example WHO stated from its research
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2012, that every two out of 5
student which
Fix the agreement mistake
students who
show examples
 were taught to behave well acquired better designation in future and gained much respect in society. I hope if both
parents
as well as
schools
 understand the rules and provide better teaching about personality behaviour, etiquettes
parallely
Correct your spelling
parallel
parallelly
 so that children will know
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
 which will make them keep things faster and
finally
 they will be good people to society.
Submitted by krishnagautam1631 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: