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Band 4

Many people hold the view that it is better to buy their homes than rent them. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #homes #rent
Nowadays, the
publict
Correct your spelling
public
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
 that it is better to buy their homes than
rent
 them. I totally disagree with
this
 opinion because
people
 can
slight
Verb problem
save
show examples
 their
money
 and move to another
house
. The main reason is that
people
 have a chance to reduce
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
show examples
 of financial problems. It is slight
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
money
 because in today's
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 the average number person can not
allow to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
buy a
house
.
However
, in the past over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the population had
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
money
 to buy a
house
 but now
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 has changed.
For instance
, the population of the USA always
rent
 a
house
although
 they have a high salary to purchase a
house
,
therefore
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they slight their
money
 over
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 .
Resent
Correct your spelling
Recent
show examples
 research found that, namely 60 % of
people
 who slighted their
money
 became rich and independent.
As a result
, if
people
 slight their
money
, they will have a great financial position which can
impacted
Change the verb form
impact
be impacted
show examples
 on their future
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
. Another is that they can move from one to another
house
 which
people
 who buy the
house
 can not perform. Because
people
rent
 their
houses
 but not
buy
Correct pronoun usage
buy them
show examples
.
As a result
, they can leave
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
better
Add an article
the better
a better
show examples
house
 with more furniture and splendid design. A primary example of
this
 is
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 from China, where they have a wide range of
houses
 and
flat
Fix the agreement mistake
flats
show examples
with great
interier
Correct your spelling
interiors
 and
design
Fix the agreement mistake
designs
show examples
.
Therefore
, they can
rent
 it to not
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 cost and live or not
depends
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on their desire.
However
, not only
people
 can move to another
house
, but they
also
 expand their outlook because when they change their
houses
 it
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 their ability to recognise
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of
houses
.
As a result
, they might be more confident and responsible. In conclusion, over 80 % of the population of the world still
renting
Wrong verb form
rent
show examples
houses
instead
 of buying.
Therefore
, a
Replace the word
rented
show examples
rent
house
 might be a great choice for all
people
.
Submitted by dimash171206 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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