Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports entertainment personalities.To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #workers #doctors #teachers #sports #entertainment #personalities

It is argued that professional employees should earn more than other entertainers. In my opinion, I

agreed

Wrong verb form

agree

show examples

with

this

notion because lecturers,

doctors

Correct word choice

and doctors

show examples

work

hard more

Replace the word

harder

show examples

than music artists and other

entertainment

personalities

. To Commence with, some sports

entertainment

personalities

such

as musicians,

Correct word choice

and atheletes

show examples

atheletes

Correct your spelling

athletes

have

some

Correct determiner usage

show examples

positive impact on our society. To explain

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

, by watching

Change the noun form

comedy

show examples

comedies

Fix the agreement mistake

comedy

show examples

Correct word choice

and dramas

show examples

dramas

Correct word choice

and dramas

show examples

some

people

can laugh and

Wrong verb form

forget

show examples

forgot

Wrong verb form

forget

show examples

their sorrows which

puts

Verb problem

has

show examples

Correct article usage

a good

show examples

good

Correct article usage

a good

show examples

impact on their health.

For example

, researchers

indicates

Change the verb form

indicate

show examples

that if

people

watch funny movies

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

than

Correct your spelling

then

show examples

it would

reduces

Wrong verb form

reduce

show examples

the chances of suicides.

Thus

, some

entertainment

personalities

leads

Change the verb form

lead

show examples

people

to think

positive

Change the word

positively

show examples

and make their life stress free.

However

, I believe that

doctors

and tutors

plays

Change the verb form

play

show examples

vital

Correct quantifier usage

more vital

show examples

role in

people

's life than sports

entertainment

personalities

. To achieve a professional degree a student needs not only studying hard but

also

have

Wrong verb form

having

show examples

wide experience or knowledge and so many other efforts but entertainers

needs

Correct subject-verb agreement

need

show examples

only talent.

Moreover

, without

doctors

Add a comma

show examples

people

cannot save their

lifes

Correct your spelling

lives

show examples

because

doctors

have the ability to treat patients to recover from illness and help them to escape from death.

Similarly

, mentors have the ability to educate learners to improve their knowledge and provide them

sufficient

Change preposition

with sufficient

show examples

education by which they become

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good

citizen

Fix the agreement mistake

citizens

show examples

To sum up

although

some entertainers

puts

Verb problem

have

show examples

positive

Add an article

a positive

show examples

impact on society but wages of professional workers should be

Correct word choice

higher

show examples

because they sacrifice more.

Submitted by rajnibansal20194 on Sat Sep 16 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

226 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Professional workers
Societal contribution
Scarcity
Market forces
Consumer demand
Role models
Economic impact
Revenue generation
Fair compensation
Social equity
Intrinsic rewards
Job satisfaction
Media rights
Merchandise sales
Public figures

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Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports entertainment personalities.To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the modern world, mobile and smartphone use has become universal in most parts of the world. Although there are clearly many advantages of this technology, there are many who believe it also brings many disadvantages. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

Task 2: Today more and more people want things instantly (eg: goods, services , news ) Why is this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Some people argue that art, such as paintings and music are a waste of money and and the government should spend this money on pubic service To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding the changes. Others, however think that changes is always a good thing. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?