IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Your local newspaper is offering an award for people who have helped the community. Write a letter to the newspaper editor. In your letter suggest someone you think should receive the award describe what the person does to help the community suggest an award that would be appropriate for this person You should You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,

7.0 / 9
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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to bring to your attention a person who has contributed significantly to the development of the community. I strongly believe that Dr Ali Ahmadi is the right person, deserving
an
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of an
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 award for his contributions, as he constantly strives to promote public awareness of health issues and encourages them to adopt a healthy lifestyle, resulting in improving the
public
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public's
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overall
Linking Words
 well-being. Dr Ali Ahmadi is a pharmacist, running his own pharmacy in the centre of the city. He always behaves with his patients like his family and provides them with detailed information regarding their medications
while
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 advising them to consume healthy meals and take part in physical activities.
Moreover
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, he shared his private number with senior citizens to call him whenever they need help. I would suggest that you consider a medal, which is a symbol of dedication and commitment.
In addition
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, you can hold a local celebration and appreciate his contributions in front of the public.
This
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 can encourage people to become more responsible regarding the community and contribute to the community’s growth. Thank you for your consideration and time. Yours faithfully, Mohammadreza Hadavi Bavil

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task response
You answer all parts of the task well. Add one clear example of how Dr Ahmadi has helped a person or group, so the letter feels more real and strong.
task response
Make the award idea more exact. For example, say that he should get a “Community Health Award” as well as a medal.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear order: reason for writing, what he does, and your award idea. Use a few linking words more carefully so long sentences are easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each main point in its own paragraph. The last paragraph has two ideas: the award and how it may help others. You could split these into two shorter paragraphs.
task response
You clearly name a person, explain his work, and give a suitable award idea.
task response
The formal tone is polite and right for a letter to a newspaper editor.
coherence and cohesion
The greeting and closing are correct and fit the letter.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main purpose, and the letter is easy to follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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