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Band 4.5

In the 21st century, contact between many different parts of the world has developed rapidly through air travel and telecommunications. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#st #century #contact #parts #world #air #travel #telecommunications #outweigh
Although
 interconnections between distinct regions have been enhanced
due to
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
rise
 in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of airlines and
tele companies
Correct your spelling
telecompanies
, the influx of connectivity can
also
 cause serious issues.
This
 essay will demonstrate how communication
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trade between countries but will
also
 show that
this
 can lead to
such
 problems as the diminishing of employment opportunities in own
country
 whilst acknowledging that there are drawbacks, the essay will argue that the advantages of the linkage outweigh the disadvantages. To Commence with, the main benefit of connections across the globe helps to
rise
 in the business between the countries
due to
 easy accessibility and connectivity. It has become very easy to place
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 order anywhere around the world and will
deliver
Wrong verb form
be delivered
show examples
 within a week which was not possible in earlier
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
. To illustrate more, the
import export
Add a hyphen
import-export
show examples
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rise
Wrong verb form
risen
show examples
 to 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 more in
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
 in
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2022.
Moreover
, the wide travel options
due to
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
show examples
 of numerous airlines
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
promote
Change the verb form
promoted
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourists as well which would directly
aids
Change the verb form
aid
show examples
to increase
Change preposition
in increasing
show examples
 the income
levelof
Correct your spelling
level of
tourist
Correct article usage
the tourist
show examples
 industry.
For example
, the poor
areasof
Correct your spelling
areas of
thailand
Change the capitalization
Thailand
show examples
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
been converted to luxury
resortsand
Correct your spelling
resorts and
 attractive places.
However
, the increase in trade can lead to some worrying issues. One of the most serious
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
 is unemployment in
own
Correct pronoun usage
our own
show examples
country
due to
limited
Change the article
a limited
the limited
show examples
 number of work opportunities available in the
country
.
The companies
Correct article usage
Companies
show examples
 nowadays more focussing on
import
Fix the agreement mistake
imports
show examples
 because of cheap products, which results in
decline
Add an article
a decline
show examples
 in
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 of
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
 mass connectivity leads to
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
show examples
 in unemployment in the
country
, it greatly improves the life structure of the
country
due to
 easy accessibility to foreign products and
boost
Correct article usage
a boost
show examples
 in
tourism
Add an article
the tourism
show examples
 industry as well.
Submitted by rajnibansal20194 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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