IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #events #waste #money #celebrations #role #lives #individuals #society
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Nowadays, increasing
in
Change preposition
apply
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number of
people
Use synonyms
 who choose to have personal
celebrating
Replace the word
celebrations
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. There are two
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
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of
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to
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this
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. Someone might think it is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 of
money
Use synonyms
.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, there are
people
Use synonyms
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
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 that it is for social. In
this
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 essay, I will argue that there are both
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 and
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
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 celebrating.
Firstly
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, more or less, celebrating have to spend
money
Use synonyms
 for a lot of things in
an events
Correct the article-noun agreement
events
an event
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. Some
people
Use synonyms
 who
does
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do
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 not really have
money
Use synonyms
 to waste on
this
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 would find it
as
Correct your spelling
a
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 waste of
money
Use synonyms
 and time. They could be able to use
those
Change the determiner
that money
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money
Use synonyms
 no
the
Correct article usage
apply
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better
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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such
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 as food,
house
Correct article usage
a house
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, and children as 100 baht means a lot for them and their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 think celebrating is for making
connection
Add an article
the connection
a connection
show examples
 for their future. They will
having
Change the verb form
have
be having
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 fun together. Some
people
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look
Correct pronoun usage
who look
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 back might find it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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useless,
while
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 the
people
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 who know what to do with those
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
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 really enjoy
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
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money
Use synonyms
 on and
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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money
Use synonyms
 back for more than what they spend.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 case, most
people
Use synonyms
 are rich already so they find
those
Change the determiner
that
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money
Use synonyms
 is nothing for them. In conclusion, there are many
people
Use synonyms
 in the world
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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thinking
Wrong verb form
think
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 differently. Celebrating would be both positive and negative site up to the way
people
Use synonyms
 do and think but no one should judge other
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nattafirm1 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • lavish parties
  • essential expenditures
  • financial stress
  • lasting memories
  • social bonds
  • emotional support
  • familial and social ties
  • mental health
  • community cohesion
  • cultural heritage
  • sense of identity
  • traditional practices
  • sense of belonging
  • continuity
  • unique cultural aspects
  • personal well-being
  • routine
  • life satisfaction
  • reasonable budget
  • cost-effective
  • potluck parties
What to do next:
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