IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many university students want to learn about different subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others feel it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for their qualification. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
One of the wi discussed issues nowadays
students
 of higher educational institutions have
desire
Add an article
a desire
the desire
show examples
 to acquire
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
subjects
additionally
Replace the word
in addition
show examples
 to their premier
subjects
while
 others deem it is foremost important to devote all their time and
paying
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
 attention to mastering for a qualification. In my opinion, I believe that having other
subjects
in addition
 is essential for individuals who imagine their bright future when
other group
Change the wording
another group
other groups
show examples
 of people just targeted to the qualification. A commonly held belief is that college or university
students
 are willing to learn other
subjects
. As evidence of
this
, they point to anticipations with unexpected scenarios. Learning other
subjects
 and related skills can solve unemployment problems in the following years which will be a serious problem in most countries
due to
 new technologies like artificial intelligence.
Furthermore
, by gaining another knowledge,
students
 become more confident than ever whether they are graduates or undergraduates. It could be explained by the fact that they represent themselves as an intellectual.
As a result
, it leads to positive effects in any way.
On the other hand
, some people claim that put all focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the qualification.
For example
, they may mention saving time is more convenient than overwhelming study at university.
In addition
, the people, who are prone to getting qualifications have more chances
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 taking
another courses
Replace the adjective
another course
other courses
show examples
 and becoming versatile
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
. The explanation lies in the fact that the population which did not attend universities have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to work and earn
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 salary.
Therefore
,
this
 variant
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 considered eligible for
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 are chosen. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would argue that
students
 should gain other
subjects
while
 studying at university in order to be sure of success.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
Look at other essays: