IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Nowadays people prefer to shop at the modern market then add traditional market do you agree or disagree

#people #shop #market
People
 are much more interested in
shop
Wrong verb form
shopping
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the modern market than traditional one
due
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of reasons.
Although
 both sides have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to decide which one is better
fo
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 them, I
prefer
Add the particle
toprefer
show examples
 visit
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 market and do my shop there. An attitude is that we should use facilities; that would be great if we seize everything we have ever wanted through new generations of markets which
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have provided us with fascinating goods;
for instance
, smartphones, digital tablets and all sorts of digital goods can be mentioned.
Although
 revolution in technology has provided immense
progresses
Correct subject-verb agreement
progress
show examples
 through humans' needs, not all
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 the same outlook.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 a small group of
people
 (especially old citizens)
is exist
Change the verb form
exists
show examples
; they prefer to buy their needs at traditional markets.
Additionally
Add a comma
,Additionally
show examples
 they feel more comfortable
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using old-fashioned things and use them effortlessly so
governemnts
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 should take all
Correct article usage
the neccessary
show examples
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 steps to satisfy
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 group of
people
 too.
To sum up
, I insist
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 using our new properties, precisely shopping at modern malls and
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 new style needs
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 are more fantastic than traditional markets with low abilities.
Nevertheless
, we must consider the wide range of attitudes with
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 of governments to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 all needs.
Submitted by miladmousavi757 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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