Some people are concerned that children spend too much time on computers – playing games, chatting and watching videos. But all this time is actually good preparation for children, who will have to spend many hours working on computers throughout their education and working lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some
people
are concerned that
children
spend too much
time
on
computers
– playing games, chatting and watching videos. But all
this
time
is actually good preparation for
children
, who will have to spend many hours working on
computers
throughout their education and working lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
People
have different views about whether or not
children
's
screen
time
should be reduced. Some say that it is harmful,
while
others think that it is a preparation for the future. I personally believe that
children
will inevitably spend much
time
using
computers
when they work or study, so we should allow them to keep doing
this
.
Firstly
, it is generally claimed that we are moving to a digital era where
people
will mostly use digital materials in their studies.
This
means (that)
children
will no longer use printed materials, and they should all be ready to read on the
screen
.
In addition
, I think (that) some activities that
children
do on
screen
now are relevant to
this
.
For example
, watching videos and chatting will be parts of the studying process as they discuss assignments together via chatting apps, or watch online lectures.
Therefore
,
children
should get used to these activities from an early age as part of their training to face higher education. Another thing to consider is that the trend in workplaces is
also
shifting and employees spend an enormous amount of
time
in front of their screens now.
This
is because of the working-from-anywhere system that allows
people
to still be productive when they are not in the office.
In other words
,
children
are likely to have high
screen
time
in the future anyway
due to
the demand to stay productive.
As a result
, I personally would argue that
this
screen
time
students are having now is a very good investment for their professional performance in the future. All in all, in my point of view, parents should allow their
children
to spend a lot of
time
on
computers
with the aim of giving them enough exposure to something that will be useful in their academic lives and
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. I tend to feel that the
time
spent on
computers
should be seen as something positive in
this
digital era.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: