It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community. Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults?

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It is considered by some

people

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that all young

people

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in their lives should undertake a period of voluntary

work

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to help

people

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society.

This

Linking Words

statement has several advantages and disadvantages, and I think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, there might be several drawbacks in

this

Linking Words

situation if youngsters

cannot

Verb problem

do not

show examples

have the right to

choose

Add the particle

tochoose

show examples

do unpaid

work

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or not.

Firstly

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, some young

people

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are not willing to do unpaid

work

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, because they think they wasted their time without earning

money

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Secondly

Linking Words

, if it is not their choice to help

people

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in the community without any payment, they are highly likely

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

to find a way to do other things.

For instance

Linking Words

, some young individuals

bring

Verb problem

make

show examples

excuses to not do that

work

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or they try to send other

people

Use synonyms

, namely friends and relatives to do that

work

Use synonyms

Finally

Linking Words

, because they do not like to

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they may do their

work

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in a low-quality and wrong way that may have irreversible consequences.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, unpaid

work

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helping

people

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in the community has some benefits. One of the most important reasons is that, in today's world

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

all

people

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are engaged in materialism and always want to earn

money

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

kind of

work

Use synonyms

teaches some lessons to youngsters. They learn they have to undertake some responsibility that

money

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does not involve.

Moreover

Linking Words

their

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

enhance one of the most

parts

Correct word choice

important parts

show examples

of their characteristic which is humanity, and they learn

money

Use synonyms

is not everything and they

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

care about other parts of their life. In conclusion, it has been said that all young individuals should take a period of unpaid

work

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to help individuals in their community. In my point of view, the benefits of

this

Linking Words

situation outweigh the drawbacks because youngsters learn in their lives that everything is not about

money

Use synonyms

shahab_e2020Mon Sep 18 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community. Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of population who are aged at 15 or younger. What is your opinion of the current and future effects it may have in those countries

Some people say that the increasing business and cultural contract between countries is a positive development, while others think that many countries will lose their national identities as a result. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.