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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram below shows the plan of a library in 2001 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the plan of a library in 2001 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#plan #library #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pictures illustrate different
Use synonyms
design
Fix the agreement mistake
designs
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 of library planning in 2001 and 2009,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which contain
list
Add an article
a list
the list
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 of
room
Fix the agreement mistake
rooms
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 and
facilities
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
ground
Add an article
the ground
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 floor.
Overall
Linking Words
, the main
differencies
Correct your spelling
difference
differences
 is in
Correct article usage
the numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
book
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
book’s
Change noun form
book
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 planning, which is
in
Change preposition
that
show examples
2009
Correct article usage
the 2009
show examples
design
Use synonyms
contain
Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
show examples
 more variated
book
Use synonyms
 storage than in 2001
design
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
facilities
Use synonyms
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased in 2009
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 more
engage
Replace the word
engagement
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to
Change preposition
in
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 technology, in 2001 it is
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
. As can be seen from the pictures,
plan
Correct article usage
the plan
show examples
 of
library
Add an article
the library
a library
show examples
 in 2009
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 more
book
Use synonyms
 storage
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on the studies, I.e. : history, fiction,
self help
Add a hyphen
self-help
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, kitchen, economics, law and children’s
Use synonyms
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
. There
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as computers and Films and DVDs which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 put in the main room. There is
also
Linking Words
 a
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 area in front of
children’s
Correct article usage
the children’s
show examples
book
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in 2001 the
design
Use synonyms
 of
library
Add an article
the library
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 considered more simple. It has three main
Use synonyms
book
Change to a plural noun
books
show examples
vary
Verb problem
apply
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as
self help
Add a hyphen
self-help
show examples
, history and fiction. The main room only
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 a page that can be put some newspaper and periodicals.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, such".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words design, facilities, book with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-service machines
  • computer stations
  • digital resources
  • book sections
  • fiction, non-fiction, reference
  • café area
  • repositioned
  • user preferences
  • management strategies
  • children's area
  • youth engagement
  • educational activities
  • meeting rooms
  • collaborative spaces
  • community events
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