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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people try to balance work and other parts of their life. However, this is very difficult to do. What are the problems associated with this? What is the best way to achieve a better balance?

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The world around us is changing continuously and to keep up with it we have to
work
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 hard
as well as
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work
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 overtime to maintain the phase.
People
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 try to balance between
work
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 and personal
life
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, which is significantly challenging.
However
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, it is not impossible to maintain a balanced
life
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 in a better way if individuals are willing to change their way of living. One of the problems is that
people
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’s expectations to lead a luxurious
life
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, force them to
work
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 excessively over hours in order to earn more money, which permits less time for family and for themselves as well.
Secondly
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, extreme workload decreases the quality of
work
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 by making them feel stressed and lack of enthusiasm, resulting in depression.
For instance
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, a recent survey showed that almost 70
percent
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per cent
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 of corporate workers suffer from depression and stress
due to
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 overburden of
work
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.
Moreover
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, excess
work
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 pressure
make
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makes
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people
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 feel isolated as they get detached from loved ones. One possible solution is that
people
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 can
conduct
Verb problem
have
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 a balanced
life
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 if they follow a timetable for their
work
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 and their personal
life
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. Meanwhile, if
people
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 limit their
rapacity
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capacity
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 to lead a luxurious
life
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 and
instead
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 feel sufficient about what they have, working overtime will not be obligatory. In fact,
people
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 can spend more time with their loved ones which can help to close the gap between them.
Overall
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, working on self-awareness
also
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 can aid a person
to understand
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in understanding
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 how he can balance his
work
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life
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 and personal
life
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.
To conclude
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, there are several ways to maintain a healthy balance in a person’s
life
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.
However
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, everyone should be careful about how they are utilizing their time because only a balanced
life
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 can lead to a happy and prosperous
life
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.

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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses both the problems associated with balancing work and personal life and provides a solution. However, there is a need for more specific examples and deeper analysis of the problems and solutions.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is clear, but there is a lack of cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion could be stronger and more impactful to the overall essay.
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