IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #poverty #aid
Across the globe, it is seen that developed countries give financial aid to
nations
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are in
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 crisis.
However
, the issue of
poverty
 and hunger remain
stays
Verb problem
apply
show examples
there and they couldn't become independent
to
Rephrase
enough to
show examples
 survive
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own. There can be many reasons for their financial issues like illiteracy, corruption, political crises, wars, etc. These issues need proper policies,
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
, monitoring and nurturing education to resolve.
As the
Change preposition
The
show examples
country
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 face
Add an article
a crisis
show examples
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
 like these can not get rid of
poverty
 by receiving financial support from
developed
Add an article
the developed
show examples
 world. In my opinion, developed
nations
besides
 financial aid play their role to help
such
nations
 in developing proper law and education systems. It can be done by providing financial experts to them in making
sustainable
Correct article usage
a sustainable
show examples
 democratic system,
revolutionary
Correct article usage
a revolutionary
show examples
 education system,
laws
Correct word choice
and laws
show examples
 to monitor corruption.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 launching educational programs which help the
country
 to have their own educational experts who can bring valuable insights to counter illiteracy problems. Engineers will help
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 to prosper in infrastructure and technology. Doctors will play their part in
health
Add an article
the health
a health
show examples
 system. Financial
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
 will provide valuable insights to utilize money efficiently.
This
 ultimately
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 change in the
country
 which might be
slow
Add an article
a slow
show examples
 process but will be more helpful in eliminating
root
Add an article
the root
show examples
 cause of
poverty
. I strongly agree that developed countries should share technological and educational expertise
along with
 financial aid to help poorer
nations
 to
utlize
Correct your spelling
utilise
 money
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 reasons of
poverty
, and not on
surface
Correct article usage
a surface
show examples
 level by just distributing food and other things among people to survive.
This
 kind of support will bring developing
nations
 on
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 path of growth and development.
Submitted by essammohamed2015516 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: