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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role.

The development of
children
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 is the foundation of a better future. Whether the external
environment
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such
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 as friends , social media or the internal factor influences an infant's growth ,is always a matter of concern among people. I believe that
children
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's guardians come first in development. On the one hand, In
this
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 globalization era, nobody left social media. In a matter of
children
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 ,
this
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 is an age group,
that is
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 largely affected by the social
environment
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.
This
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 is because they are surrounded by the external world at home in enormous ways. The visualization 24/7 of different content on different social platforms changes the thinking of infants.
For example
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, a report published by Times India a leading newspaper in India revealed that easy access to the Internet for
children
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 influences decision-making power more than parental advice.
Apart from
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this
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, friends are considered second family .
Children
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 with them feel more freedom .
Consequently
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, they give more preference to their friend's views in life.
On the other hand
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, family is the first teacher for everyone. The
environment
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 given by parents always encourages
children
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 to choose their life or future. The upbringing comes in handy to decide wrong and right in future.
Therefore
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, the ways the social
environment
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 affects a child rely on the family
environment
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.It cannot be denied that external factors play a role in
children
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 's success,
however
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, how a person is impacted by social help depends on upbringing. In conclusion,
Although
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 , external factors somehow influences the
children
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's mind, family background and nurturing always comes first place.

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Task Response
The introduction and conclusion should be more clearly presented. Ensure all aspects of the task are fully addressed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on transitioning between ideas and developing a clearer structure to improve overall coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise expressions. Be cautious of word choice to ensure accuracy and fluency.
Grammatical Range
Continue developing grammatical accuracy and range, ensuring consistency and precision in your language use.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • development
  • media
  • pop culture
  • peers
  • family
  • social skills
  • beliefs
  • values
  • emotional support
  • moral guidance
  • aspirations
  • self-image
  • social development
  • value system
  • harmony
  • conflict
  • significant
  • behaviors
What to do next:
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