IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

#year #crime #rate #increases #rise #activity
Crime
 and criminal activities are some of the most troubling issues of today's life.
Due to
 known and unknown factors
crime
 rate is rising day by day,
hence
 there are many effective ways that can prevent criminals from committing
crimes
. Defining offence is the first step to preventing it. scandal can be classified into different categories from minor to severe. Petty
crimes
such
 as graffiti or mugging are
crimes
 that do not sabotage people’s lives, severe
crimes
such
 as murder and kidnapping are the
crimes
 that put people’s lives and well-being in danger. In my opinion, the most and first reason for
crime
 is bankruptcy. when people are in impecunious circumstances, tend to do anything that keeps their survival. They might start with petty
crimes
 like stealing fruits from groceries or big ones like robbery.
Poverty
 threatens people’s lives and it can make them do immoral acts. Another factor which can have an impact on the
crime
 rate is considered to be parenting. Criminals often have a traumatic childhood history that causes them an underlying rage. Neglectful or abusive parenting can affect a child’s mental health and when the child becomes an adult, its traumas can reveal themselves in destructive behaviour.
In addition
 to
poverty
 and
parenting
Add a comma
,parenting
show examples
 there are many other factors that can lead to acts of
crime
,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
crime
 can be prevented and criminals can be guided and helped by the government’s wisdom.
To conclude
, as it is mentioned in the third paragraph
poverty
 is the main reason for
crime
 and
poverty
 disposal. we can’t have a society free of offenders,
therefore
 government should provide low-income citizens with a variety of jobs and help them to earn their own money.
Moreover
, educating pregnant families about child’s mental health and teaching them how to take care of their children’s mental health can be effective.
Submitted by dinanssn5 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: