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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

12.Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why? How can they be encouraged to go out?

It is argued that the young generations tend to spend less
time
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 on outdoor
activities
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,
such
Linking Words
 as hiking and climbing. The main reason for
this
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 is the addiction that they have on the internet, and a possible solution could be the organization of external
activities
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. Technology is the main cause why
people
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 prefer to stay at home.
This
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 is because they can sit down, relax and do what they like, with no need to be tired because of doing exercise . Video games allow individuals to rest and at the same
time
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 have fun with their friends. ,
Also
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 it is easier for young
people
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 to decide what to do, since doing outdoor
activities
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 they are not sure if they will like it and it might be a waste of
time
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.
According to
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 recent studies, the majority of young
people
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 have a tendency to use their free
time
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 inside of the house playing computer games or using social media platforms.
This
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 situation can be improved by encouraging schools and families to organize
activities
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such
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 as camping with original games and competitions, asking more children to participate together, so the kids can make new friends and
also
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 spend
time
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 in nature, so after a certain
time
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 they would prefer doing open-air
activities
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.
For example
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, schools in Spain organize different
activities
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such
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 as hiking, skiing, summer camp and final course trips, so the students can practice different
activities
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, enjoy the environment and know new
people
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. In conclusion, young
people
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 do not spend
time
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 doing outdoor
activities
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 because of are addicted to using technology.
However
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, parents and schools can get children involved in other hobbies by getting them used to being outside.

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt and provides a clear position on the issue. Provide more specific and detailed examples to support ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing ideas with clearer connections between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words and cohesive devices to improve the overall structure of the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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