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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, sports and exercise classes are replaced with the academic subjects. Discuss the effects of this trend.

#countries #sports #exercise #classes #subjects #effects #trend
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It is common in some countries that physical training classes are substituted by lectures. From my perspective, I think
this
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 phenomenon undermines both the mental and bodily health of students.
To begin
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 with, most schools make the decision because of the consideration of the academic performance of students. There is no doubt young generations can enhance their ability in examinations
while
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 they spend more time learning.
For example
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, teenagers who spend time practising educational assignments usually have better grades than pupils who conduct physical training on playfields. Meanwhile, a better result in exams can endow graduates with a broader choice in universities.
In other words
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, pupils who grab more theoretical knowledge have a brighter future than those who are inferior in studying.
On the other hand
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, I believe students should grow comprehensively rather than solely focus on educational content, especially for teenagers. Youngsters who are under 16 years old require exercises mostly because physical movements benefit them in bone density and muscle growth .
In contrast
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, teenagers who lack sports are commonly weaker and have a higher chance of contracting illnesses.
Furthermore
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, PE classes play an important role in connecting classmates, building teamwork, and spirit of cooperation. To be more specific, pupils are able to coordinate with their friends in group play, like football, and
also
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 cultivate a sense of competition.
Additionally
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, sports can alleviate stress, which helps schoolers prepare for upcoming lectures.
Overall
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, I diverge from the substitution of physical training classes.
Although
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 theoretical lectures can boost their performance in tests, I think sports are necessary to them from the concern of health.
Submitted by xiaol8616 on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph contributes to the main argument and supports the thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words and transition phrases to connect ideas and improve overall coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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