IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of UK citizens in 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of UK citizens in 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The provided picture presents the cost in three categories among diverse age
people
Use synonyms
 of UK residents in 2004.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is obvious that the demand for food and drinks gradually increases with
people
Use synonyms
 becoming older. Meanwhile, entertainment shows the same tendency as food, but the requirement of enjoyment drops
instead
Linking Words
 of continuing to grow when citizens turn 76 plus years old.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the expense of food and drinks is as low as 6% in youngsters who are under 30 and it continuously increases to 23% in ageing
people
Use synonyms
 who are above 76.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, youngsters usually spend around 75 of the budget in playing and the statistic rockets to 23% after crowds turn 61 years old.
However
Linking Words
, probably owing to the inconvenient physical movements, the percentage drops to 13% when
people
Use synonyms
 are aged above 76.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the expenditure of restaurants and hotels fluctuates rather than steady growth. It starts at 14% in the young group and descends slowly to 2% in the group above 60 years old.
However
Linking Words
, it
finally
Linking Words
 stops at 6% of the oldest citizens.
Submitted by xiaol8616 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "drops" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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