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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world.

The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world.
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The pie charts show the amount of
water
Use synonyms
 used in
San
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Diego
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,
California
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, and in the world in three specific sectors which are residential, industry, and agriculture.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
San
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Diego
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 and worldwide see a significant discrepancy in
water
Use synonyms
 usage between sectors
whereas
Linking Words
California
Use synonyms
 allocated rather equally in these sectors. In terms of residential and agriculture, the former takes up the majority of
water
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 in
San
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Diego
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 and
California
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, at 60% and 39%, respectively
whereas
Linking Words
 only a minor percentage
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 worldwide
water
Use synonyms
 comes into the household. In the meantime, the latter
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
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 a sharp contrast, in which 69% of worldwide
water
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 is allocated for
this
Linking Words
 purpose, over three times higher than
San
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Diego
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 County and
California
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. When it comes to Industry,
San
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Diego
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 afford as much
water
Use synonyms
 as worldwide, at 23%, which is 10% lower than
California
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, at 33%

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, san, diego, california with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • households
  • significant
  • industrial use
  • implications
  • agriculture
  • geographical
  • climatic
  • economic factors
  • patterns
  • sustainability
  • practices
  • surprising
  • exceptionally
  • improvements
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