IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.

The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.
#unemployment #rates #country #kingdom
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bar chart represents information about female workless rates in four countries of
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom in two years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the maximum percentage in 2013 had country England, and in 2014 had
Scotland
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, the minimum value in 2013 had
wales
Capitalize word
Wales
show examples
, and in 2014
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its minimum position was Northern
Ireland
Use synonyms
. It can be clearly seen that with nearly 7
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 England was
leader
Add an article
a leader
the leader
show examples
 in
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 year, but in
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 year
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
peak
Add an article
the peak
show examples
 was
Scotland
Use synonyms
 with 6.7
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2013 Wales was
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 its minimum position with almost 5.5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 year
Nothern
Correct your spelling
Northern
show examples
Ireland
Use synonyms
 fell from 5,6
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 4.6
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and reached its minimum position. It is obvious that almost all countries declined, except
Use synonyms
scotland
Change the capitalization
Scotland
show examples
, because
Use synonyms
scotland
Change the capitalization
Scotland
show examples
 uplifted
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 0.6
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the biggest fall with 1
percent
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 Northern
Ireland
Use synonyms
. It is interesting to note that both Wales and
Nothern
Correct your spelling
Northern
show examples
Ireland
Use synonyms
 in
sum
Add an article
the sum
show examples
 of two years do not exceed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
10.5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by dimash171206 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words scotland, ireland, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: