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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below shows information and prediction regarding the change in percentage of the population aged 65 and above in three countries.

The table illustrates and forecasts information about the changes in volume of the older people at age 65 and older in 1988, 2000 and 2030 in three different countries, namely
Canada
Use synonyms
,
Germany
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 and the
UK
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that the trend of the growth of old people was
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
upward and it will continue until.
Germany
Use synonyms
 has the highest rank,
while
Linking Words
 the
UK
Use synonyms
 has the third rank. In 1988, the population of old people in
Germany
Use synonyms
 was about one-fifth,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage
of
Change preposition
in
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Canada
Use synonyms
 and the
UK
Use synonyms
 was about 16% and 14% respectively. After 12 years, in 2000,
while
Linking Words
 the proportion of older individuals rose by 1% in the
UK
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, the percentage in
Canada
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 and
Germany
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 increased by 5%, and reached 21% and 25% respectively. It is predicted that after 30 years, in 2030, the population aged 65 and above in three countries will rise by about 5%. But the situation of all countries will not change in the table.
Germany
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 with 30%,
Canada
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 with 26% and the
UK
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 with 20% will have the
first,
Linking Words
second and third rank.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canada, germany, uk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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