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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Being a celebrity– such as a film star or singer – brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

#celebrity– #film #star #singer #celebrity
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Being famous comes with both
problems
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 and
benefits
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. I am going to discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
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 and give my own opinion in
this
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 essay. Celebrities have a
lot
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 of
problems
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.
For
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example
Add a comma
,example
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 they can not go to a restaurant or mall without being watched they should worry about their behavior
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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famous
people
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 have safety
problems
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 too, they may get robbed or shot any minute they are walking in a park and that
why
Add a missing verb
is why
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 most of them have security teams.
On the other hand
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, there are two main
benefits
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for
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to
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 being famous.
Firstley
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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celebrities make a
lot
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 of money and they are
due to
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 their fame,
for example
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, they can have their own clothing brand and do a
lot
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 of
advertisement
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advertisements
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 for it or they can do
advertisement
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advertisements
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 for another brand and get good
payements
Correct your spelling
payments
 from them.
Moreover
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, celebrities have their own fan base and they can
effects
Verb problem
affect
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 their fans and be creative for them, they can
also
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 get a
lot
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 of positive energy from the
people
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 they meet in the streets and pass
time
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the time
show examples
 with them. In my opinion, being famous has more
problems
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 than
benefits
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 and
realy
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really
 famous
people
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 can not live a
soothing
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peaceful
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 life, because there are many
people
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 around them everywhere they go and they can not have peace.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, these kinds of
people
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 should
realy
Correct your spelling
really
 be
carefull
Correct your spelling
careful
 not
Fix the infinitive
to effect
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effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young children in
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 bad way. Because their lovers will look after them and get influence from them.
For example
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, Cristiano Ronaldo is a great influencer and role model for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young children and he is
effecting
Correct your spelling
affecting
show examples
 them positively. In conclusion, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous
people
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 have more
problems
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 than
benefits
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 in my opinion and most of them would like to live a normal life
such
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 as other individuals.
Submitted by shima.majidansari on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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