IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans. On the other hand, other argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various need, including uses for food and research. What is your opinion?

#people #animals #rights #humans #hand #food #research
The issue of
poverty
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
 always acute for the
Earth
Change noun form
Earth's
show examples
 population,
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
as
do
Verb problem
it is
show examples
 now. That’s why organizations working on
this
problem
 trying to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
come up with solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it. Many of that ideas have snaked to mass and there is one on our agenda today. “The best way to reduce
poverty
 in developing countries is by providing at least six years of free education for each child
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that all children can read, write and use numbers.” Of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
 illiteracy in language or numbers is making walls
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
life ways
Correct your spelling
lifeways
show examples
 and it is important to teach
people
 science
childhood
Change preposition
in childhood
show examples
 that simple things. I never heard about developing countries without free school education, but if the statement is, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
someone
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
. In my opinion, changing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 is the main
problem
 to solve and of course, it,
also
, can partly solve
poverty
. Partly. That’s the main point of my thoughts. Given it
rather
Add a missing verb
is rather
show examples
 easier to count
people
 without basic knowledge
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
mathematic
Replace the word
mathematics
show examples
 or languages, than
people
 with, we still have the
problem
 widely spread. Even some
people
leaved
Correct your spelling
left
show examples
 from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
reached
Correct word choice
and reached
show examples
 more than persons who ended their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
. The question is much
difficult
Correct quantifier usage
more difficult
show examples
 to link
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
education only. Some aspect the author of the statement is missing out
.
Change preposition
on.
show examples
 As well, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
, expensive food, local problems in flophouses, orphanages,
mental
Correct word choice
and mental
show examples
 diseases, connected
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor living,
leaded
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 worse
poverty
, the list is endless. I think that
problem
 needs
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 much money and
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 recourses.
However
, as Tupac
said
Add the punctuation
,said
show examples
 “They got money for wars, but can’t feed the poor”.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: