People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #customs #traditions #country

Many

people

nowadays choose to immigrate to other countries. It is often held to be that tourists should respect local

customs

. I completely agree with introducing newbies to the

culture

. I'll discuss why it makes sense for immigrants to respect the local

culture

this

essay. There are many difficulties for new residents who do not follow the

customs

and traditions when

people

start to live in a new country .

Firstly

, they cannot live in harmony with local

people

due to

differences in

culture

and traditions when they don’t follow the

customs

of the

customs

of the new society . In some cases ,

this

can lead to conflicts.

People

who do not allow and understand new ways of life when migrating

abroard

Correct your spelling

abroad

may experience confusion , stress and depression these

people

are more likely to

stuggle

Correct your spelling

struggle

with cultural shocks and other

culture related

Add a hyphen

culture-related

show examples

problems gradually leading to stress and other mental problem.

In addition

, Newcomers can gain some benefits if they adopt the

customs

and traditions of a new country . They

treated

Add a missing verb

are treated

show examples

well by local

people

if they follow

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their country’s

customs

This

leads to a better relationship .

As a result

, immigrants will no longer feel

discrimmiates agiants

Correct your spelling

discriminated against

. In

điction

Add a comma

điction,

show examples

foreigners will get more interesting experiences by participating

Correct your spelling

in community

incommunity

Correct your spelling

in community

life In conclusion,

it is clear that

whomever

Correct your spelling

whoever

show examples

you are and wherever you decide to live, you should find a balance between respecting and protecting your own past and understanding and changing to other cultures.

Submitted by yeshomeclass on Thu Sep 21 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay contains relevant ideas but lacks clarity and coherence in presenting them. Work on organizing the ideas in a more structured and logical manner.

task achievement

The essay partially responds to the task by discussing both the benefits and challenges of immigrants respecting local customs. However, it could provide a more comprehensive response by addressing the specific extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the given statement. Make sure to fully address all aspects of the given topic in the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

253 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railwaw lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Large companies should pay higher salaries to CEOs and executives compared to other workers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?