the chart below gives the informationabout the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020 , with predictions for 2030 and 2040

the chart below gives the informationabout the  percentage  of the population in four Asian  countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020 , with predictions for 2030 and 2040
The chart illustrates the data of the individuals in four Asian countries who lived in towns from 1970 to 2020
as well as
assumptions for the coming 20 years. The most visible assuming the highest population is in
Malaysia
and the lowest is the Thailand. In 1970, the graph depicts that though the citizens of
Malaysia
and the
Philippines
are very close the
Philippines
has a slightly higher rate.
Additionally
, Indonesia has the lowest number of dwellers in the same year and it is approximately 14%. It
also
shows that
Although
the Indonesia has lowest percentage of denizens, after 70 years, the number has increased gradually not falling and the percentage is about 60%.
This
is definitely a massive development.
Besides
, In the case of Thailand, has the lowest rate in 2040 and is only around 45%. Apart from that
initially
, the
Philippines
had nearly 33-34% of inhabitants.but it has the second least number in 2040 which is slightly under 50%. What is more, the
Philippines
is the only country that depicts gradual ups and downs like, in 1990(48%). but in the years 2000 and 2010, it shows less.
Last
but not least,
Malaysia
, discloses a dramatic change of 30% to 80% which is the largest transition. In conclusion, the adjustment of the population in the
Philippines
and Thailand is very close (20%-50%). and (32%-50%). It
also
shows medium advance (12-35%) and for
Malaysia
, it has the largest change 930-80%).
Submitted by jonahid.stu20ju on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words malaysia, philippines with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "depicts" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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