IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram on 13th page shows what kind of changes was taking place from 1996 to 2003 years in the use of gadgets and technology in people homes in the United Kingdom

The diagram on 13th page shows what kind of changes was taking place from 1996 to 2003 years in the use of gadgets and technology in people homes in the United Kingdom
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagram on
13th
Correct article usage
the 13th
show examples
 page shows what kind of changes
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 taking place from 1996 to 2003 years in the use of gadgets and
technology
Use synonyms
 in
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 homes in the United Kingdom. There is information about four
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
 of
technology
Use synonyms
, including CD players, mobile phones, Internet access and home computers. The graph provides only one basic trend – upward. The most popular device during the entire observation period was
CD
Correct article usage
the CD
show examples
players
Fix the agreement mistake
player
show examples
.
Since
Change preposition
From
show examples
 1996, when CD players had 60
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
, to 2003 with more than 80
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
,
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 devices increased gradually but steadily. The next most used
technology
Use synonyms
 in 1996 was
home
Add an article
a home
the home
show examples
 computer with 30
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
. The
percentages
Use synonyms
 stayed
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same level for two years, after which
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 climbed sharply and reached 50
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
. The biggest rise in usage compared to others demonstrated the following
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
. Mobile
phone’s
Change noun form
phone
show examples
percentages
Use synonyms
 started from 20
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 and increased three and a half times. The newest
technology
Use synonyms
 among those shown is Internet access. It appeared in 1988 and
used
Add a missing verb
was used
show examples
 by 10
Use synonyms
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of consumers.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 4 years
Add a comma
,
show examples
there was
remarkable
Add an article
a remarkable
the remarkable
show examples
 rose. But
this
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 has not reached the level of others.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words technology, percentages with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 8 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: