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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that building tall building is the best way to create more housing space, while other people believe it's better to build many houses on land. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #space #houses #land
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Nowadays, a lot of
people
 are debating about the best structure of buildings, some think that the taller it is, the more
people
 it could accommodate. Whilst other contradict
this
 idea and believe that
houses
 are better on land to create recreational
space
 around their
houses
.
This
 essay will discuss both viewpoints and provide a concluding view. On the one hand, some individuals support the idea that
houses
 should be built on land because
this
 may give them the option to create landscapes around the house that will serve as their relaxing spot.
This
 includes gardens and furniture where they can sit outside and have a cup of tea.
This
 can be seen in villages in many countries, where most of their homes were built with
such
 areas for aesthetic and greenery purposes, even though
this
 leaves limited
space
 for the house itself.
Although
this
 is ideal for
people
 who are busy at their work and could utilise
this
 place to unwind, the price of
this
 type of structure is usually cost-prohibitive for many.
On the other hand
, problems with properties have arisen these past few years. Despite being prone to calamities, proponents of skyscrapers said that these types of buildings will accommodate more individuals and families.
For example
, more and more high-rise apartments are sold in the metropolitan area of Melbourne, Australia
due to
 the increasing number of foreigners residing in the country. To accommodate them, the government laid out a plan to demolish public
houses
 on land to construct tall apartments to solve
this
 crisis.
Along with
this
, they are now using advanced engineering,
such
 as springs for the building to withstand earthquakes. In my opinion,
this
 outweighs the disadvantages of
this
 side. In conclusion,
people
 argue about building the structure of
houses
, one side believes a recreational
space
 for owners is essential even though
this
 equates to limited
space
 for their house. It appears to me that high-rise buildings are the most a more efficient way to solve the growing population of various countries, especially if the challenge of natural calamities could be prevented.
Submitted by mjdf0930 on

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Task Response
Good job in presenting both sides of the argument and providing your opinion at the end. Make sure to stay focused on the main points and avoid repetition or unnecessary details.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-organized and easy to follow. Try to use more transition words to enhance the coherence between paragraphs.
Task Response
Well-developed arguments presenting both viewpoints
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban sprawl
  • geographical area
  • densely populated
  • infrastructural
  • maintenance costs
  • energy-efficient
  • green technologies
  • carbon footprint
  • community and lifestyle
  • social cohesion
  • environmental considerations
  • biodiversity
  • heat island effect
  • flexibility
  • scalability
  • preservation
  • distinct communities
  • demographic changes
What to do next:
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