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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. To work extent do you agree?

#artists #salaries #government #work
Creators are one of the most important and integral
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
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 of
country
Add an article
the country
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. It is believed by
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 individuals that,
artists
 are
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
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 earners and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must fund
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 run their work. I completely agree with
this
 notion to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant extent, and in the following essay, I will shed light on my
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
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. To embark on,
art work
Correct your spelling
artwork
show examples
come
Change the verb form
comes
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 from talent and it must appreciated through monetary in order to sustain their job. To explain it
further
, In order to produce something requires minimum investment to source the required material,
without
Correct word choice
and without
show examples
 proper funding it is been very difficult to manage their work.
For example
, a painter needs basic materials to make painting and a musician needs equipment to produce music.
Moreover
, In support of
this
 government always
runs
Verb problem
provides
show examples
 financial assistance for veteran
Artists
.
Secondly
, the arts
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
artists
helps
Change the verb form
help
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 to reduce crime and increase social cohesion
among
Change preposition
in
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 the community. To
elaborated
Change the form of the verb
elaborate
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, art is a mode of communication to communicate positive thoughts and beliefs to citizens. Things which cannot able to
explain
Wrong verb form
explained
show examples
, art expresses to control person to do illegal activities as well.
For instance
, On India’s 75th Independence
day
Capitalize word
Day
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, various painters painted
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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city walls with pictures of freedom fighters who contributed towards
countries
Replace the word
the country's
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 freedom, and more than hundreds of musicians performed on national
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
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.
Hence
,
performers
Change noun form
performers'
performer's
show examples
contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
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 create
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 impact globally. I believe that, In order to increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
civic participation as well
to
Correct word choice
as to
show examples
 control unlawful
act
Fix the agreement mistake
acts
show examples
, all of which point to the economic benefits ministry must seriously pay to
artists
Change noun form
artists'
artist's
show examples
 growth and maintenance.
Submitted by maheshluhar on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the structure and organization of your essay to develop a clearer progression of ideas. Use topic sentences and transitions to connect your ideas more effectively.
task response
Your response needs to fully address the task. Make sure to provide a clear position and support it with relevant examples and explanations.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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