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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
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The bar graph shows the results of a survey which was conducted by a company and gives data on the important factors that determine the
work
Use synonyms
performance
Use synonyms
 of
employees
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 young people’s motivation for their
work
Use synonyms
performance
Use synonyms
 is primarily driven by opportunities for personal growth, a laid-back
work
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environment
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, opportunities for promotion, and salary,
whereas
Linking Words
 for older workers, motivation is primarily driven by money, a competent boss, and a sense of teamwork. To start with, more than 80% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
employees
Use synonyms
 rank the “chance for personal development” as the most critical element in determining what makes for better
work
Use synonyms
performance
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. Three additional crucial elements for
this
Linking Words
 age group’s success are a laid-back
work
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environment
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, the possibility of advancement, and money. The working
environment
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, job security, and respect from coworkers are listed as the least important
performance
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 factors by the youthful group of
employees
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.
Employees
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 between the ages of 45 and 60,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, place a high value on teamwork and finances in terms of
performance
Use synonyms
-related factors.
This
Linking Words
 group is least affected by job stability, a laid-back workplace, and the
environment
Use synonyms
 at
work
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. It’s interesting to note that team spirit (60%), having a competent boss (50%) and job satisfaction (50%), are the issues that are favoured by the same number of
employees
Use synonyms
 in both age groups.

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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, performance, employees, environment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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