IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?

#overpopulation #centers #world
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The
population
 growth in the world has already gone out of control, especially in most Asian and African countries.
This
 problematic issue in these areas is uncontrollable
due to
 illiteracy, poor quality of life,
some
Correct word choice
and some
show examples
 social and religious taboo against
population
 control. In
this
 essay, I will explore some of the problems associated with overpopulation and propose some solutions. Regulating
population
 surges cannot be achieved immediately, and despite initiatives and educational campaigns, the result may come at a slow pace. As we know, most poor people are not aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 the impact of having a lot of babies on their health, quality of life and financial condition.
For instance
, the government has to take proper steps and do more launch awareness campaigns, especially in poor neighbourhoods, to educate them about the negative consequences of having many children.
Furthermore
, making contraceptives available for free among the poor
population
 should be taken into consideration. It would help prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
undesirable
pregnancy
Fix the agreement mistake
pregnancies
show examples
 and
population
 growth in
long
Add an article
the long
show examples
 term. The authority must impose
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 to restrict the number of children a family can have. To illustrate
this
, families in China, in the past, were not allowed to have more than one child,
otherwise
, they would have faced a financial penalty. It seems cruel,
anyway
Add a comma
anyway,
show examples
 it had a positive outcome. In conclusion, if the
population
 keeps growing at a current rate,
then
 the world will find itself in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 war for food, medicine, and shelter. The time has come to take steps to solve the overpopulation issue.
Therefore
, the government and individuals should work together to tackle it.
Submitted by aksaya96 on

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Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. It should start with a general statement on the issue, followed by a thesis statement, then come the main body paragraphs with individual ideas supported by examples, and finally, a summarizing conclusion.
Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs. Make sure they are used appropriately and do not go overboard with them. It is important that the essay flows well.
Development & Support
Develop your main points with specific, relevant examples, and explanations. The examples should clearly support the arguments being made.
Task Response
Ensure you adequately address all parts of the task. Make certain that you explain the causes and solutions to the overpopulation problem and provide relevant examples for each.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Migration
  • Sustainable development
  • Infrastructure
  • Population density
  • Urban sprawl
  • Urban planning
  • Renewable energy
  • Family planning
  • Rural economies
  • Public transport
  • Living standards
  • Healthcare access
  • Educational facilities
  • Employment opportunities
  • Regulations
What to do next:
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