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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph below shows levels of online shopping by age group for different times of the day. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows levels of online shopping by age group for different times of the day. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph compares the proportion of
sales
Use synonyms
 when people went shopping online during a day in 2015, split by
age
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, people who are from 25 to 34 years old are the
group
Use synonyms
 with the strongest increase and have the highest level of
sales
Use synonyms
 in online shopping,
while
Linking Words
 elderly people’s figure was the lowest. As seen in the given chart, before 9 a.
m
Use synonyms
., all
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 witnessed the lowest level of
sales
Use synonyms
 at approximately 5%.
However
Linking Words
, the next three hours saw a significant increase in the percentage of people from different
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 and the over-60
group
Use synonyms
 bought the most with nearly 20 per cent of
sales
Use synonyms
. In the afternoon (from 12
p
Use synonyms
.
m
Use synonyms
. to 6
p
Use synonyms
.
m
Use synonyms
.), the proportion of
sales
Use synonyms
 for the youngest
group
Use synonyms
 overtook the rest by a climb to 27% at 4-6
p
Use synonyms
.
m
Use synonyms
., followed by that of 25-34 and 45-59
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
, at 22 and 18 respectively. From
this
Linking Words
 time to before 8
p
Use synonyms
.
m
Use synonyms
., there was a steep growth in the percentage of
sales
Use synonyms
 of the young adult
group
Use synonyms
 and reached its peak at 33%, followed by 31% of 35 to 44-year-olds, 28% of the youngest
group
Use synonyms
, 22% of the middle-aged
group
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for the elderly who are aged 60 and over decreased significantly to just under 10%. After 8p.
m
Use synonyms
 to 9 a.
m
Use synonyms
 the next morning, the figures for
sales
Use synonyms
 for all
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 dropped.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, age, group, m, groups, p with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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