IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Besides a lot of advantages, some people believe that the internet creates many problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #internet
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Many communities trust that the web can have an impact on many matters,
besides
 big benefits.I strongly agree with
this
 statement because the
Internet
 can affect our
health
 and we lose our personalities here. First of all,the web causes
health
 problems and energy problems.A lot of people mainly young are spending most times on their in the digital era.They cannot organize their time to do useful activities for their
health
 like eating and doing daily exercises.
Furthermore
,folk have lost the balance in their lifestyle.
For instance
,a person who always spends his or her time on the net
such
 as social media platforms to not get bored,
then
 it makes them forget an activity that they should do.
Thus
 the body cannot get enough nutrition and it seems to be causing some problems with the
health
 of society .
Secondly
,people who are surfing on the net mostly times they will lose their personality.Especially individuals who lose interaction with the people who cover them.
This
 situation made them an anti-sociable person.
For example
, we have no time to play and communicate with our friends and we make a comfort zone for ourselves on the net.So, a bad habit
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
 can impact negatively the public.
To sum up
, the
internet
 is beneficial yet it can
also
 create hazards
such
 as
health
 matters and loss of personality.
However
, I would recommend the community have a balance in using the
internet
 and doing daily activities
as well as
Submitted by @ur_davrik on

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task response
Developed your ideas more in the body paragraphs to provide more thorough reasoning and evidence.
coherence cohesion
Consider using clearer and more organized paragraph structure to improve coherence and cohesion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Consumer behavior
  • Virtual marketplace
  • Cybersecurity
  • Digital footprint
  • Return policy
  • Comparison shopping
  • Customer reviews
  • Retail therapy
  • Logistics
  • User interface
  • Payment gateway
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