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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information abouth the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information abouth the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
#information #abouth #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions
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The line chart below compares the portion of people that live in urban areas between 1970 and 2020 in
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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,
Malaysia
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,
Thailand
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 and Indonesia, all
four
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 being east
asian
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Asian
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countries
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.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 it estimates these figures until 2040. We can see that
Malaysia
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 had achieved the highest
figure
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 among these
countries
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while
Linking Words
Thailand
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's
population
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 prefers to live outside of
cities
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 the most.
Also
Linking Words
, we witness the same increasing trend in all
four
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countries
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 in the future. Looking at the graph,
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Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 and
Malaysia
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 had almost 30
per-cent
Correct your spelling
per cent
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 of their
population
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 living in
cities
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 back in 1970, with
Pilippines
Correct your spelling
Philippines
 having a slightly more
figure
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. They changed place twice until 1990, when
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
Philippines
Change noun form
Philippine's
Philippines'
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population
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 in
cities
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 began to decline. Not long after that,
Malaysia
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 achieved the
highes
Correct your spelling
highest
figure
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 among these
four
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countries
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. The decline in
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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 continued until 2010 when they again, started to move back to
cities
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 and
this
Linking Words
 trend has continued ever since. It can
also
Linking Words
 be seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Thailand
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 and Indonesia had close 20
per-cent
Correct your spelling
per cent
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 and 15
per-cent
Correct your spelling
per cent
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 of their
population
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 living in
cities
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 in 1970. They both attracted more citizens to live in towns until 1990 when
Thailand
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's
figure
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 almost stopped
changint
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changing
 until 2020.
Whereas
Linking Words
 Indonesia rocketed and rose to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place between these
four
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countries
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 in 2010.
Submitted by parham.moonesi on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words philippines, malaysia, thailand, four, countries, figure, population, cities with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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