IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that exercise is the key to health while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Nowadays society has 2 different ideas about being healthy.
For
Change preposition
In
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 some
people
Use synonyms
’s opinions, doing sports is more essential,
while
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 others argue that having a healthy feeding routine is more crucial for
one’s
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 health.
According
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According to
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 my point of view, having a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 is
better
Add an article
a better
the better
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 way
for
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apply
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to stay healthy. On the one hand,
people
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 have comprehensible reasons for thinking that doing exercises has superiorities for
one’s
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 condition. The reason
of
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for
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this
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 is that doing physical activities regularly aids
to stabilize
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in stabilizing
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blood
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pressure
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. In these days, many
people
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 suffer from unstable
blood
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pressure
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.
For instance
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, if a person has high
blood
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pressure
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 in his/her daily life, he should keep exercising. It can help that person to keep his/her
blood
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pressure
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 from rising again.
In addition
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, some examples of exercises,
such
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 as walking, cycling,
swimming
Correct word choice
and swimming
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 can help lower
blood
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pressure
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.
On the other hand
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, I would agree with those who believe having a balanced
diet
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 is more vital for health. Nowadays, many
people
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 die because of heart
diseases
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disease
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. A healthy
diet
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 with rich fruits and vegetables can aid
to reduce
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in reducing
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 the risk of heart disease.
Moreover
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, eating healthy can keep
one’s
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 hair, skin and teeth healthy.
For instance
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, there are many
people
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 who suffer from damaged hair, acne and cracked or broken teeth. A balanced
diet
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 with
high calcium
Add a hyphen
high-calcium
show examples
 foods is an excellent treatment for these problems.
Furthermore
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, eating healthful nutrition may help a person to live longer. In conclusion, there are several
people
Use synonyms
 who think that doing
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
 has more positive effects compared to having a balanced
diet
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.
On the contrary
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, to my mind, having a healthy
diet
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 is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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vital for
one’s
Use synonyms
 well-being.

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task response
Ensure that the essay responds fully to all parts of the question. Address both sides of the argument more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented. Try to organize the body paragraphs more logically and cohesively to improve overall coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Metabolism
  • Chronic diseases
  • Immune system
  • Mental well-being
  • Nutrients
  • Malnutrition
  • Obesity
  • Type 2 diabetes
  • Circulation
  • Nutrient distribution
  • Preventive health
  • Energy levels
  • Balanced diet
  • Essential nutrients
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