IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some employers involve their employees in their decision-making process. Do the advantages outwiegh the disadvantages?

#employers #employees #process #outwiegh
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Making effective
decisions
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 is crucial for a company's progress. Some colleagues have been chosen by their employers in order to make
decisions
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. In my opinion the benefits of choosing
employees
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 to make
decisions
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 perfectly outweigh the drawbacks. In
this
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 essay, I will analyse aspects of
this
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 purpose. A group of critics believe if
decisions
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 of a company are made by its workers, long-term harmful effects will be made on careers
due to
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 a variety of reasons.
For instance
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, new workers who have been recruited in just one year do have not enough
experience
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 to be involved in important situations; new co-workers have a wide range of attitudes which can lead to some arguments between them.
Due to
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 the lack of
experience
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 of new
employees
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, employers should not let them decide about crucial steps in their careers.
Although
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 lack of
experience
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 can not be ignored, new
employees
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 should be given chances to show their ability and gain old-workers' previous experiences.
For example
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, owners of a company who have been looking for some keen persons to recruit them must give them great positions to make them more enthusiastic in their careers,
therefore
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, employers can easily trust them to make critical
decisions
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 in future.
Additionally
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, entrepreneurs have to create a group of experts to run a new career; they have no choice, but to give the experts power of
decisions
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. If owners of a career give newly recruited persons the power, creative thoughts may be involved in their job,
although
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 there may be some disagreements between colleagues. In sum, it's true that there are some disadvantages of the purpose of involving
employees
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 in making
decisions
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due to
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 lack of
experience
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,
however
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, new workers can make extremely perfect profits for companies.
Overall
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, the mentioned benefits perfectly outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by miladmousavi757 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details that are relevant to the main idea of the paragraph.
task response
Provide a more balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of involving employees in decision-making to fully address the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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