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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The only reason for people working hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#reason #people #money
In
these day
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this day
these days
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,
people
 tend to dedicate
to
Correct pronoun usage
themselves to
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the
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their
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job
 depending on
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 salary. From my personal perspective, I partly agree with
this
 statement and I will explain in the next part of the essay
Firstly
, we have to admit that
money
play
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plays
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 a significant role in our life. Lots of
people
work
hardly
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hard
show examples
 because they think that their life will change, with that amount of
money
, they can live in a big luxurious house or buy
Add an article
a
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new car,
for example
, lots of
people
 in
developing
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the developing
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country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 prefer working abroad because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 high salary for that
job
.
Secondly
, it
is depend
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depends
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 on the
circumstance
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circumstances
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 they are in, in many poor
family
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families
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,
people
 have to
work
 in
factory
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factories
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 to earn
money
for raising
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to raise
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 their
child
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children
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 or build a new house.
However
, it does not mean that
money
 is the only reason for
people
 to
work
 hard. In many developing
coutries
Correct your spelling
countries
such
 as Vietnam,
Correct word choice
and Camodia
show examples
Camodia
Correct your spelling
Cambodia
, the salary for teacher, police or firefighter is quite low and the working environment is tough and dangerous but many
people
 choose to dedicate
to
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themselves to
show examples
 the
job
 because they know that their
job
play
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plays
show examples
 a significant role
for
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in
show examples
 the development and innovation of the society and nation. In conclusion,
money
 is a great target for
people
 to
work
 hard but
that is
 not
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main aim for some
people
. They choose to dedicate
Correct pronoun usage
themselves for
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
job
 because they want to change their society and country
athough
Correct your spelling
although
through
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
money
 for that
work
 is very dangerous and hard.
Submitted by nguyenhoanghadl on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Monetary gain
  • Passion-driven
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Career progression
  • Professional development
  • Work-life balance
  • Job satisfaction
  • Societal expectations
  • Cultural values
  • Altruism
  • Positive impact
  • Intrinsic motivation
  • Extrinsic motivation
  • Internal rewards
  • Maslow's hierarchy of needs
  • Psychological aspects
  • Motivational factors
What to do next:
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