IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some places, old age is valued, while other cultures, youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#places #age #cultures #youth
Aged
people
 are more valued in a few societies by others,
whereas
 in some areas young age
people
 will receive more importance than old age
people
.
This
 essay will demonstrate both views and provide a logical conclusion. On the one hand, old
people
 deserve respect and they should be treated in a graceful manner. As elderly
people
 have more experience and an abundance of knowledge, it can be used by anyone to overcome any hurdles in life.
Furthermore
, As age progresses, social, moral, and ethical values have been incorporated into them, so that they can train youngsters of the
country
 to choose inspirational ways.
For example
, Not only does he give me constant support in my life but he
also
 enlightens me by guiding moral principles.
On the other hand
, new-age
people
 are an invaluable asset to the
country
. The greater the number of young
people
 the greater the economy will grow. On top of that, youngsters can
also
 be a breadwinner for their families and
also
 make a significant contribution to the
country
's financial health. When the
people
 are young, they can obtain an enormous amount of power which could break the financial barrier of the family.
For instance
, As a youngster, with my relentless efforts, I could make my family financially healthier than earlier. In my opinion, young
people
 have greater enthusiasm and energy so that they would be more beneficial for the family and for the
country
.
To conclude
,
Although
 elderly
people
 are crucial for the betterment of society morally and ethically, young individuals can create wonders by giving considerable and adequate opportunities that could help the growth of the
country
.
Submitted by nikhiljulurin85 on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic clearly and comprehensively. Develop your points with stronger examples and make sure they are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Work on making the connections between sentences and ideas clearer. Use transition words and phrases to improve the flow of your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of knowledge
  • esteemed
  • insights
  • embedded
  • seeking advice
  • prioritizing
  • premium on innovation
  • dynamism
  • adaptability
  • technological advancements
  • entrepreneurs
  • pioneers
  • indispensable
  • stability
  • harmonious
  • progressive
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