IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

1.Some people think that young people should spend free time with families instead of outside entertainment, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #families #entertainment
It is considered by many that
children
 should spend
time
 with their parents
instead
 of attending events outside the house,
whereas
others
 disagree. Both viewpoints will be supported by the arguments presented in
this
 essay.
On the other hand
, some believe that
children
 stay with their parents for as long as possible because they will have less
time
 to spend with them when they become adults.
In addition
, it is true that
time
 is priceless, or
in other words
, it cannot be paid for with anything.
For example
, you will not know when your parents will die, and no one knows the exact date of their passing.
Therefore
, you should stay with the people you love because it's late.
On the other hand
,
while
 it is true that family is important,
children
 eventually need to learn how to interact and coexist with
others
 in society as they grow up. When they are students, they have to go to school, make friends, and play with them. They should learn how to understand
others
 to avoid conflicts within the community, which can occur at any
time
.
Therefore
, engaging in outdoor activities can enhance one's ability to interact with
others
 within a community. In my perspective, both are significant for the younger generation. If they do not engage in entertainment activities outside the house, they will have no opportunity to meet
others
.
However
, if they always prioritize these activities, they will not have
time
 to spend with their family, and they will feel upset when their loved ones pass away. In conclusion,
children
 should pay attention to both physical and mental health to ensure that they do not become disappointed as adults.
Submitted by y2083749065 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bond
  • relationship
  • communication
  • experience
  • learn
  • opportunity
  • exposure
  • culture
  • perspective
  • development
  • interest
  • skill
  • socialize
  • peer
  • broaden
  • horizon
  • opinion
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