IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the growth in the population in some of the world’s largest cities as well as the population distribution in urban and rural areas.

The charts below show the growth in the population in some of the world’s largest cities as well as the population distribution in urban and rural areas.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart depicts the increase in the
population
Use synonyms
 in some of the world's biggest cities
as well as
Linking Words
 the
population
Use synonyms
 distribution in urban and rural areas.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that the
population
Use synonyms
 in Tokyo was the highest in 2010,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 of
Jakarta
Change noun form
Jakarta's
show examples
 lowest in 1970.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there was a significant increase in Tokyo, Shanghai, Bombay, Jakarta,
whereas
Linking Words
 New York maintained the same level throughout the period.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Tokyo accounted for over 15 in 1970 which was increased to 27 roughly in 2010 and had the largest
population
Use synonyms
 in the final years. The figure for Bombay, it had namely 5 ,
therefore
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
rose to 12 before going up to over 25 in 2010. In terms of New York and Shanghai, they
shared
Wrong verb form
share
show examples
 similar numbers , namely under 15 and over 15 before Shanghai rose gradually to over 20 in 2010. With regards to Jakarta, it obtained approximately 3 which increased to under 10 in 1990 before rising to under 20 in 2010.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: