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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
#diagrams #show #stages #equipment #process #cement #purposes
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The presented illustration of the process
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 demonstrates how to make
cement
Use synonyms
 and how
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cement
Use synonyms
produce
Correct subject-verb agreement
produces
show examples
gravel
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process requires 7 steps, the first
stage
Use synonyms
 is putting limestone and clay into
crusher
Add an article
the crusher
a crusher
show examples
, and the
last
Linking Words
stage
Use synonyms
 is making
gravel
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
concrete
Correct article usage
a concrete
show examples
mixer
Use synonyms
. It can be clearly seen that
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
stage
Use synonyms
is pass
Wrong verb form
passes
show examples
 limestone and clay through
crusher
Add an article
a crusher
the crusher
show examples
,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
 that
came out
Verb problem
the
show examples
 thing (powder) will pass through
Use synonyms
mixer
Add an article
the mixer
a mixer
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
passed
Correct article usage
the passed
show examples
 substance from
Use synonyms
mixer
Add an article
a mixer
the mixer
show examples
 will
putted
Verb problem
be put
show examples
 in
rotating
Correct article usage
a rotating
show examples
 heater, where it will heated by fire. Before packing into packages the
cement
Use synonyms
, the almost ready material
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
passed from
heater
Add an article
the heater
show examples
 will recycled by
grinder
Add an article
the grinder
a grinder
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and than
show examples
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 it will be
a
Remove the article
cement
a block of cement
show examples
cement
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
finished
Add an article
the finished
show examples
 product will
putted
Verb problem
be put
show examples
 into
concrete
Add an article
the concrete
a concrete
show examples
mixer
Use synonyms
 with materials
such
Linking Words
 as sand 25per
cent
Correct your spelling
per cent
show examples
,
gravel
Use synonyms
 half of all, water 10 per cent and
Linking Words
lastly
Add a comma
,lastly
show examples
cement
Use synonyms
 15 per cent.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it will spin and
mixed
Wrong verb form
mix
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
stage
Use synonyms
, and after
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 it will be
gravel
Use synonyms
 which are small stones.
Submitted by dimash171206 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cement, gravel, stage, mixer with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • construction
  • cement-making
  • raw materials
  • crushing
  • mixing
  • heating
  • grinding
  • cement powder
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • concrete
  • versatility
  • strength
  • aggregate
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