IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In many schools students have to do physical activities. What are the benefits of physical activities? Are some activities more beneficial for students?

In many
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
schools
Punctuation problem
schools,
show examples
 it is enforced for a student to do some physical
enterprise
Check wording
activity
show examples
. I believe there are many positive outcomes in doing exercise.
Linking Words
also
Fix capitalization
Also
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will outline some other beneficial exercises.
one
Fix capitalization
One
show examples
 benefit is that doing physical
action
Replace the word
activity
show examples
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
show examples
 obesity in
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
.
actually
Fix capitalization
Actually
show examples
, by doing exercise
students
Punctuation problem
, students
show examples
 would build strong muscles and a healthy body.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, they might not be overweight as they are in a sit-down position long time in school.
Linking Words
for
Fix capitalization
For
show examples
 instance,exercising one hour a day may help them so much. Another benefit is that physical movement might cause more focus and retain information
also
Linking Words
, improving pupils' test scores.
as
Fix capitalization
As
show examples
 exercise has several valuable impacts on brain function. to say, doing physical action in the morning before classes might improve students'
function
Check wording
performance
show examples
 in lessons.
Linking Words
although
Fix capitalization
Although
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there are some more beneficial enterprises.
Linking Words
for
Fix capitalization
For
show examples
 example, creative exercises
such
Linking Words
 as art
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and theatre
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 Foster pupils' creativity and imagination. As they should do
creative
Correct article usage
a creative
show examples
 enterprise with their visualisation.
Linking Words
furthermore
Fix capitalization
Furthermore
show examples
, a life which is focused on community service would have more positive outcomes.
to
Fix capitalization
To
show examples
 say, these movements help students to develop their social emotions
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as empathy.
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 helping people and servicing their community. In conclusion, there are many benefits to physical activities
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as preventing obesity and enhancing brain function.
Linking Words
however
Fix capitalization
However
show examples
, there are some activities with more positive
outcomes
Punctuation problem
outcomes,
show examples
 like creative activities and movements focused on community.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Make a plan for each paragraph. Keep one main idea in each paragraph and give a simple, real example.
coherence
Use easy linking words to join ideas: also, and, but, so, for example, because.
grammar
Fix grammar: use 'prevents', not 'prevent'; use present form for facts; keep verbs in the same tense.
vocabulary
Use regular word choice. Do not use too many hard words like 'enterprise' or 'visualisation'. Use common words.
structure
Divide the text into four clear parts: intro, body on health, body on mind and other acts, and a short conclusion.
content
The essay has real ideas about health and mind work.
scope
It tries to talk about other acts like art and service.
structure
There is a clear end that repeats the main idea.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: